


moon river

by s9sukes



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Horrible pick up lines, I think that's it? - Freeform, Lowercase, M/M, Not Beta Read, but they're better than the canon series, museum worker tsukki, not really a song fic but i was listening to this on repeat while writing, some fluff mostly angst, they struggle with emotions still, two boys in love, wait i forgot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s9sukes/pseuds/s9sukes
Summary: their relationship is getting rocky and the two of them are on a break. kageyama goes to the paleontology museum to reminisce about their relationship because he misses tsukishima.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	moon river

kageyama let out a sigh as he walked to the large doors of the paleontology museum. the heavy doors were reminiscent of how his heart felt at the moment. he knows coming here will make him feel worse, but he can’t help it. he can’t help but miss tsukishima. calling him tsukishima made him feel sick to his stomach, it left a sour taste in his mouth, it wasn’t the person he knew, but it made things . . . bearable. 

he hasn’t spoken to his boyfriend in well over a week and it was taking a toll on him. he wasn’t even sure if he could call him his boyfriend anymore. they haven’t officially broken up, but they were on a break. however, a break never leads to anything good. he doesn’t know why they decided to prolong their crumbling relationship by pretending everything would sort itself out after some time.

it’s hard to pinpoint where exactly things started to go south. the both of them were busy. careers and post graduate school were a priority. sadly, relationships were put on the back burner. as months went on with miscommunication and annoyance growing, fights started happening more frequently. despite living in the same space, the two of them barely spoke words of love anymore. they barely spent time relishing in the love they shared. gone were the days where they relaxed in their each other’s arms, gone were the days of sheer bliss, gone were the days of a happy and prosperous relationship. tsukishima was the one that suggested the break, kageyama simply went along with it.

it was cowardice of him to do so, but what else could he do? he remembers tsukishima’s words, “what are we doing, tobio? why are we continuing this downward spiral? god, what happened to us? when was the last time we were able to talk to each other without it starting a useless argument? when was the last time that we even had a proper conversation? it’s not love when you don’t talk anymore, so what exactly is this? i miss what we used to be, but i’m scared that we’ll never get that back. you don’t know how hard it is to not doubt where this is going and that’s why this hurts so much more. i’m in love with you and you’re in love with me, but is that love enough? i feel like i haven’t seen you in months despite living with you.” 

there was a long and drawn out silence between the two of them. kageyama wanted to answer him. he wanted to tell him how much he feels for tsukishima. how hard he loved him, how if he were to ever let him go, he would simply be crushed by the weight of his emotions. he wishes he knew what happened to them, too. he wished he was able to tell tsukishima about everything he was feeling. sadness for even letting their relationship get to this point, anger for tsukishima doubting them, and heartbreak for not being someone better for him. however, kageyama didn’t even know where to begin with what he wanted to say; so, he didn’t say anything. he stood there, looked at the ground, and tried not to cry. 

tsukishima looked like he was expecting it and let out a sigh, “i think we should take a break. i don’t know how long, but i think we need it. i honestly don’t know what else to do right now.” and, that’s how their break started. kageyama wants to respect his decision, but it’s so hard. 

kageyama roams through the museum, thinking about his relationship. there were good times and there were bad times, but he cherishes them all. at least during those times he knew he had tsukishima with him. now, it was a dice roll if he and his boyfriend would even stay together. he’s thought about calling him up and asking to meet, but he can’t find the willpower to do so. blinded by pride and heartbreak, he would rather stew in the pain. he knows that tsukishima is the same . . . he hopes he knows that. 

now in their early twenties, the two have been through many things together. from their high school volleyball days to their college volleyball days, they have always remained a constant. things were harder back then. while the both of them are still emotionally troubled, in high school their emotions were practically vacant. they felt it when it came to certain things, but when it came to romantic feelings or something more serious, it was hard. they danced around each other’s feelings for all all of their first year and about half of their second. kageyama doesn’t know what exactly changed, but there was a drastic shift in their relationship one day. their teasing had lost all malice intent long before this, but at this point, there was something underlying, something more. 

in high school, kageyama thought that tsukishima was beautiful, something unobtainable. before they officially got together, kageyama had many fears about what would happen with the both of them. if they did get together, how would their relationship even work? the two of them had no idea how to talk to each other when it came to romance nor did they know how to talk about their feelings in general. kageyama didn’t know how to explain to tsukishima that he thought the world of him. he didn’t know how to tell him how much he respected him or was somewhat envious of his growth in volleyball. he didn’t know how to tell him how much he meant to him. inside, kageyama was a swirling vortex of immense emotions, he just didn’t know how to explain them. whenever he tried all he could get out were feeble stutters and unfinished sentences with blush creeping up his neck and over his face. he knew tsukishima wasn’t any better, but knowing that, he was in constant doubt of any possible relationship.

he doesn’t know how it happened exactly, but by some strange miracle the two of them were able to properly confess to one another. it might not have been the best confessions ever, both littered with stutters and unsaid insecurities, but it was unapologetically them. through the entirety of their relationship, there has been a lot of love and a lot of development between the two of them. they both learned to not be so scared of feeling or showing those emotions and they learned that maybe it is okay to rely on someone on such a deep level. 

sometimes it was hard to process how much love they carried for one another. it was the first relationship for the both of them and it showed . . . a lot. in the beginning they were awkward and stiff, but it was a journey that the two of them were able to go on together. they went from being called emotionless by their friends to being told to stop being so overly smitten for one another. 

through the years of being together, kageyama learned how to show his emotions. he was able to breakout of his emotionless husk and now he was able to show people who he really is. but with that being said, without tsukishima, he doesn’t know if he wants to show his emotions. he is sad. he doesn’t want people to know he’s sad. he doesn’t want people to think he is a moping and pathetic loser. to the untrained eye, people might think kageyama is a young man in his youth and not doing everything he can to take advantage of it. but that’s the thing, he became so dependent on his boyfriend that doing things without him doesn’t really seem like living anymore.

he always knew that feeling so strongly as he did was detrimental to him. he knew that is was an overbearing thing for him. he loves fast and hard, and he doesn’t have his love with him. 

kageyama let out a bitter chuckle and took a look at his surroundings. he really couldn’t help himself but come here. he and tsukishima used to come here all the time. tsukishima was a volunteer here and kageyama couldn’t help but drop in on his touring boyfriend from time to time. it was weird to see tsukishima as a tour guide. he was snooty and sarcastic to the kids, but damn did he know his information. however, the kids always got attached to him somehow. whenever kids would come back to the museum, they would search for tsukishima and give him dinosaur stickers. of course, he pretended that he hated it, but he graciously took them every time. he even made it a tradition to put each of them on the back of his phone case, making it look more and more like a sticker sheet rather than anything else. it was endearing, seeing tsukishima pretend to be stoic but always cracking a small smile whenever he received a new sticker to his collection. it always made kageyama smile, but now, it makes kageyama hurt. 

after aimlessly walking for what felt like an eternity, he found himself stopping in front of the mosasaurus, just staring. it was always his favourite. he wish he wasn’t so attached to the long dead species, but when tsukishima volunteered used to go on about this certain species. something about it was so interesting to him that kageyama couldn’t help but listen. 

the two species that tsukishima loved the most were mosasauruses and velociraptors. despite being petrified of the ocean, tsukishima loved mosasauruses immensely. he was so fascinated that something so large and deadly had once roamed those waters. he was intrigued with how they were shore hunters and ate anything they could. and the velociraptor, that was his absolute favourite. he loved how intelligent they were and how they were pack hunters. it was interesting that pack mentally had stemmed from such a long time ago.

moving on from the fossil, kageyama began to remember happy times with tsukishima, specifically in the museum. whenever kageyama would drop by, he was inspired by the children and would give tsukishima a sticker, but he would add a pickup line. they were always awful, but they made tsukishima laugh and that made kageyama extremely happy. 

-

kageyama had given tsukishima the sticker and told him his favourite pickup line, the ace up his sleeve, “hey, kiss me if i get this wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?” kageyama smirked at his boyfriend because as much as he was trying to look annoyed and bored, kageyama could see a small grin slowly breaking out on his face. his smirk was wiped from his face when he felt lips on his own, and was shocked that tsukishima actually kissed him. kageyama put his arms around tsukishima’s neck and tsukishima wrapped his arms around his waist and held him close as they continued to kiss. kageyama wanted to deepen the kiss and swiped the bottom of tsukishima’s lip, wanting to fully make out, but tsukisima, to kageyama’s displeasure, broke the kiss. when they fully parted, tsukishima looked exasperated and couldn’t help but mutter how much of an idiot kageyama was.

“what was that? i quite honestly think that was your worst one,” tsukishima said, stepping away from kageyama. kageyama laughed, “are you sure it was bad, we just made out in the museum.” tsukishima gave him a frustrated look and let out another sigh, “i can’t believe i’m dating an idiot like you. seriously, what do i gain from this?” kageyama walked towards him and gave him a bone crushing hug, “you get to say that i’m your boyfriend, that’s a win in itself,” he said while puffing out his cheeks. tsukishima stared at him, looking bored, and pushed kageyama off then walked away. “kei, come back!!!”

-

it was hard to think of such fond memories. kageyama missed his boyfriend so bad. despite being so proud, he was tired of waiting. he was tired of waiting for a call or text that might never come. he decided to go to their shared apartment, if you can even call it that anymore, and talk to tsukishima, for better or for worse. at least he would have an answer then, even if it was one he didn’t want to hear. 

as he walked back to the heavy doors, he saw someone he wasn’t expecting to see in the lobby of the building and stopped walking. 

“kei.” tsukishima turned to the familiar voice. god, kageyama thought he looked bad, tsukishima looks like he hasn’t slept at all. while it made him sad, he still thought that tsukishima was the prettiest boy he had ever seen. 

there was a few beats of silence between the two of them when kageyama decided to speak up, “what are you doing here?” it was the only question he could come up with. he looked up at tsukishima, waiting for any response he would get. “i just wanted to come to the museum, it’d been a while,” kageyama knew that tsukishima was leaving things out, but he decided not to press, “what are you doing here?” there was more silence that followed. “i just wanted to come by.”

the two remained in silence after that. it was awkward. stifling. suffocating. it wasn’t like them and it made kageyama uncomfortable. kageyama hated it and he was tired of not having tsukishima in his life. he was mad that he didn’t try to deny the break, he was mad at himself; so, he was going to change that. “can we talk?” hope was like a double sided knife and kageyama just buried both ends into their hearts. 

it was silent again and kageyama was starting to give up. maybe tsukishima didn’t want to rekindle their relationship and he had to respect that. when he was going to take back his offer he was cut off by tsukishima, “can we please?” then, they went back to their shared apartment.

once they arrived to their place, it was once again silent, tense. they stiffly sat on the couch, waiting, neither one of them wanted to break the silence. it wasn’t peaceful by any means, but they were scared of what each other would say. would this be the end of them? would this be a new beginning? there was no way of telling where a conversation could lead to. 

it was kageyama that spoke up first.

“kei . . . i have a lot to say,” he began but was slightly hesitating. he looked at tsukishima in the eyes and his anxiety spiked. he took in a deep breath, and began again, “going back to our last conversation, you asked a lot of things, a lot of which i didn’t and still don’t have a clear answer to. you brought up why we were still doing this and how every time we spoke it only ended with anger. you were right of course, there’s no argument there, but the thing i can’t answer is the  
that happened. i’m still mad at myself for not fighting you on that day. i know that arguing wouldn’t have helped at the moment, but i feel like i needed to say something, but i never did. i hope me not saying anything didn’t get to your head. i hope you know that even though i didn’t say anything then, that i had so much to say. i wish we never had to go through this rough patch, but maybe it was necessary. maybe we got too used to our routine and we needed a change. sure, it wasn’t a good change by any means, but it made us realise something, maybe. 

maybe it was just me, but i feel like we got too comfortable with each other. having each other all the time like that, it could get tiresome. it doesn’t mean i don’t love you any less, but it could get overwhelming, overbearing. i always knew i loved you. you’re the better one with words out of the two of us, so bare with me. but, i have always loved you. i love your stubbornness, i love your long and wavy hair, i love your sarcasm, i love your facade, i love everything about you. while we were apart, it put a lot of things in perspective for me. like i said, i always knew i loved you, but being away from you only magnified those feelings. i missed everything. i missed going to sleep without you in my arms. i missed waking up in the middle of the night, only to see the moonlight reflecting off of you. i hope you know how beautiful you are in the moonlight, you are such a perfect representative for your name. i missed making messes with you in the kitchen then begrudgingly cleaning up. i missed occasionally practicing volleyball with you. i missed you talking to me. i missed everything.” 

kageyama paused, he was getting emotional. he desperately wanted to reach out and grab tsukishima’s hand for comfort, but he wouldn’t allow himself to do so yet. he took another deep breath and picked back up.

“you mean so much to me, kei. you mean an overwhelming amount to me. sadly, at the moment, i don’t know how you feel about me right now. i don’t know if you’re ready to end our relationship nor do i know if you’re ready to continue with it right away. whatever you say, i hope you know that our love has always been worth it to me. regardless of how much we fought, my love never wavered. i would gladly got to the ends of the world for you, at any time. however, that’s how i feel. whatever you want or decide i will respect, but i love you tsukishima kei. i love you so much.”

tsukishima stared at his lap. he was thinking of what to say, leaving silence between them. this made kageyama tense up even more. he wasn’t sure what was to come, he wasn’t ready to let go. he saw tsukishima clench his right hand, a nervous tick of his. tsukishima let out a shuddering sigh and cleared his throat.

“tobio . . . i also have a lot to say. you have always meant more to me than i could ever begin to explain. we have been through plains, uphills, and downhills with one another. we have always been with one another, but we can’t deny that we’re two drifters. we want to see what the world has to offer. after all of our fights and when i suggested the break, i was thinking that i could see the world through a new perspective. one without you in it. after being plagued by constant arguments and useless tension, i was tired. my perspective of everything was dark and gloomy and i thought that maybe without the negativity in our relationship, things would brighten. but, they didn’t. in fact, things only got darker. you are my light, tobio. i always knew that, but i began to question if that light began to die out.

i was scared, tobio. god, i was so scared. you have been one of my only constants in my life and when our dynamic began to change, i was scared that we would be no more. we both aren’t the most available when it comes to our emotions, but i hope you know that i love you so much. you are my dream maker, but you’re also my heartbreaker. you’ve made living without you seem almost impossible. it’s really funny that you say that you leave it up to me with whether or not our relationship would continue when i was ninety percent sure you wanted to leave. when you didn’t say anything the last time we spoke . . . it broke my heart. 

i think that was the scariest thing about that day. the fact that you just went along with the break, as if you wanted it. i know i had said you loved me, but that really made me doubt, over the past week i have been a wreck, not knowing if you wanted to be with me anymore. i was so anxious and stressed over why you weren’t calling or texting me, but then i remembered that you’re too proud. i tried to be mad at you for that, but i couldn’t because i’m the same way. i couldn’t blame you for not wanting to be the one that ended our relationship, anyway. 

but now, i’m sure again. after your declaration, how could i not be? however, i think your love could only dream of rivaling mine. i know that love isn’t a competition, it should never be a competition of trying to see who loves someone more, but i just think that my love for you knows no bounds, no limits. i’m sorry for trying to choose the easy way out because i was scared. i thought that with a break, then it would be easier to break anything off, but living was so much harder without your presence with me. 

i’m so sorry for doubting you to begin with. i missed you so much, my love. earlier when i was at the museum, i know that you know that i was leaving things out. i was there because i missed you so bad. i went there, even though it hurt to reminisce, because it brought me back to a happier time. walking into the building reminded me that being with you was truly when i was my happiest. moral of the story, i need you in my life, tobio. please, please don’t leave me.”

tsukishima had unwillingly shed some tears. he clenched is fist even harder, trying to will himself to stop crying. kageyama hesitated but slowly reached over and began to gently uncurl his fingers, he didn’t want him to hurt himself. once his hand was unclenched, kageyama began to pull his hand away, but tsukishima grabbed his hand and gently began to lace their fingers together. at this simple contact, warmth began to spread throughout both of them. tobio knew that this was them, being okay. they were going to be okay. they had each other and that’s all that mattered. they loved each other and they weren’t going to give up on one another. 

“hey, kiss me if i get this wro-” before tobio could get any further, kei shut him up with a kiss that could make anyone’s knees weak and tobio gladly went along with it.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! thanks you for reading, i hope you enjoyed my fic! if you want to follow me on twitter my @ is s9sukes! okay okay have nice day/night wherever you are :)


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